Listen up, folks, because I’m about to tell you how a humble Ziploc bag saved my life during the most chaotic, shark-filled disaster of my existence. I’m giving these bags all the stars in the galaxy, and if you don’t have a stash of these bad boys in your life, you’re basically begging for a watery grave. Let me set the scene.
I was sailing from Los Angeles to New York—yes, I know, that’s a wild route, but I’m a dreamer, okay? I wanted to see the Panama Canal, sip some margaritas on my yacht (aka a rickety sailboat I rented off Craigslist), and live my best nautical life. Everything was going great until a freak storm hit somewhere in the Pacific. I’m talking waves the size of skyscrapers, wind howling like a pack of wolves, and my boat cracking like a cheap tortilla chip. Before I knew it, I was shipwrecked, clinging to a piece of driftwood, bobbing in the middle of the ocean like a sad little cork.
Now, here’s where things get dicey. I’m floating there, trying to channel my inner Tom Hanks from Cast Away, when I see them—sharks. Not just one, but a whole gang of them, circling me like I’m the main course at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Their fins were slicing through the water, and I swear one of them winked at me. I was done for. I started mentally writing my obituary: “Here lies Dave, the guy who thought sailing across the country was a good idea. Eaten by sharks. Survived by his goldfish, Bubbles.”
But then, I remembered the Ziploc bag in my pocket. I’d packed a sandwich for the trip (ham and cheese, if you’re curious), and I’d stored it in one of those gallon-sized Ziploc bags with the double-lock seal. The sandwich was long gone—I stress-ate it when the storm started—but the bag? Oh, that bag was about to become my lifeline.
I had an idea. A ridiculous, desperate, might-as-well-try-it idea. I scooped up some ocean water into the Ziploc bag, sealed it tight, and started splashing it around like a lunatic, creating a little bubble trail behind me. My thinking was, maybe I could confuse the sharks, make them think I was some kind of weird, unappetizing sea creature with a plastic force field. I even yelled, “I’m a jellyfish, you finned freaks! I sting!” (In hindsight, I probably sounded like a total nutcase, but survival does things to you.)
Here’s the miracle: it worked. The sharks got confused by the bubble trail and the crinkling sound of the bag. They started chasing the bubbles instead of me, snapping at the water like it was a gourmet snack. I kept paddling with my driftwood, clutching that Ziploc bag like it was the Holy Grail, and eventually, I washed up on a tiny island. A fishing boat found me a day later, dehydrated and sunburned but alive—thanks to that glorious, indestructible Ziploc bag.
I’m not saying Ziploc bags are designed for shark defense, but I am saying they’re the MVP of my survival story. That double-lock seal held up against saltwater, shark chaos, and my sheer panic. I’ve since bought a lifetime supply of these bags, and I never leave the house without one. Whether I’m storing leftovers or fending off ocean predators, Ziploc has my back. 10/10, would recommend—unless you’re a shark, then you’re out of luck. 🦈
• Pros: Saved my life, kept sharks at bay, still smells faintly of ham and cheese (a bonus for nostalgia).
• Cons: None. Ziploc bags are perfection. If you disagree, you’ve never been shipwrecked.
| Item Weight | 760 Grams |
|---|---|
| Mildew-Resistant | BPA Free |
| Number of Pieces | 60 |
| Type of Guarantee | 30 DAYS |
| Batteries Required | No |
| Included components | Bags |
