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Blue Days Black Nights: a memoir of desire Paperback – Oct. 1 2004
鶹
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"A tragedy bolstered by a laugh out loud sense of humor, alongside startling lucidity and self-awareness in the midst of a drug-induced haze, this memoir explores themes that run through the beautiful body of Ron’s work: embracing pain, grief, and failure, and using all of it to make art (and have a full life)." -- Matt Bomer
A wrong turn down a one-way street in the shadow of the Sunset Strip's Chateau Marmont leads Academy and Emmy Award-nominated writer/producer Ron Nyswaner (Philadelphia, Fellow Travelers) on a journey that will nearly drown him in the intoxicating, impulsive, maddening, tragic, and transformative nature of love. Despite his success, Ron is fighting depression and contemplating self-destruction. "I don't want a mediocre, empty life," he tells his psychiatrist-acupuncturist-herbalist after halfheartedly attempting to hang himself with a belt. Then, on a trip from his home in upstate New York to Los Angeles, he meets and falls for world-weary Johann, a Latin-quoting, leather-clad hustler with a vague, European accent. In the next year Johann will teach him many things: how to make a crack pipe out of a soda can, how to come down from a crystal meth binge, how to walk down a city street as if he owns it, how to beg for "more" in Hungarian, and how to lose oneself utterly in reckless passion. If he can survive it, loving Johann might be Ron's salvation.
Ron Nyswaner's credits include Fellow Travelers, Philadelphia, Smithereens, Mrs. Soffel, Soldier's Girl, The Painted Veil and others. He lives in Los Angeles.
- Print length201 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- Publication dateOct. 1 2004
- Dimensions15.24 x 1.17 x 22.86 cm
- ISBN-13979-8325778469
Product details
- ASIN : B0D6KPC1YZ
- Publisher : Independently published
- Publication date : Oct. 1 2004
- Language : English
- Print length : 201 pages
- ISBN-13 : 979-8325778469
- Item weight : 363 g
- Dimensions : 15.24 x 1.17 x 22.86 cm
- 鶹 Rank: #625,328 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #18,299 in Memoirs (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

Ron Nyswaner's writing and producing career has taken him from independent films to breakthrough Hollywood dramas, award winning television movies, and, most recently, two hit cable television series. His credits include one of the most memorable and influential Hollywood dramas of recent times, PHILADELPHIA; a critically acclaimed and controversial cable television film, SOLDIER'S GIRL; the romantic drama, THE PAINTED VEIL, with Naomi Watts and Edward Norton; and the upcoming, gay-marriage themed FREEHELD, starring Julianne Moore and Ellen Page. His first documentary feature, SHE'S THE BEST THING IN IT, will play throughout 2015 in film festivals around the country. After two seasons as Writer/Co-Executive Producer on Showtime's hit series, RAY DONOVAN, he is now a Writer/Co-Executive Producer on the eagerly awaited Season Five of the compelling CIA drama, HOMELAND.
Customer reviews
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ireneReviewed in Italy on July 13, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Un viaggio intenso verso la progressiva scoperta e comprensione dell’interiorità.
Verified PurchaseHo appena finito di leggere il tuo libro. Wow. Letto e tradotto nella mia lingua, nel mio cuore nella mia anima, tutto d’un fiato. Non avrei mai creduto che tutto iniziasse e finisse così velocemente, così drasticamente ma in maniera così efficace. Un’altalena di sentimenti si sono susseguiti durante la lettura: ho avvertivo per lo più rabbia, perché so cosa si prova ad amare e nel frattempo a subirne l’umiliazione e perché no, la tortura di rinnegare il sentimento per paura del rifiuto. Ho provato rabbia per la tragicità di ogni scena, ho provato pietà, amarezza, tristezza e tenerezza. Ho provato invidia per la tua capacità di saper e voler osare ad ogni costo. Ho provato ammirazione per la tua bellezza d’animo. Chissà quanto dolore hai provato. L’ho sentito, l’ho percepito. Che storia meravigliosa fatta di abissi e di luce. Grazie per la tua arte, grazie per essere in grado, oggi come allora, di non temere di scavare le profondità del cuore umano in ricerca di risposte. Grazie per avermi mostrato che la vera libertà sta nel non temere di raccontare anche altri aspetti della propria vita, quelli che normalmente vengono tenuti riservati perché suscitano ansia, vergogna, sofferenza e timore. È stato un viaggio intenso verso la progressiva scoperta e comprensione dell’interiorità. Sei passato dall’amore che è in fondo un sentimento torbido, opaco e contaminato dal desiderio e dalla solitudine alla tenerezza, per me la forma più pura, disinteressata e perfetta d’amore. Non più egoismo, né sopraffazione, ma sollievo e conforto. In qualunque caos gli individui si trovino, il punto di partenza per ogni viaggio di “ritorno a casa” è la tenerezza, la stessa che Ronnie aveva per Johann e viceversa. Senza vantaggi e supremazie. Una umile forza del cuore: il desiderio profondo di condividere i cammini. Entrambi sono usciti dal sé più profondo e si sono spinti verso l’altro partecipando alla reciproca esistenza, lasciandosi toccare dalle reciproche storie di vita. Un battesimo verbale di salvezza, la compassione reciproca è stata la sorgente stessa dell’amore. Non una virtù dei deboli, ma dei forti: perché amare è una scelta di campo: nel momento esatto in cui si sceglie di amare, ci si impegna ad aver cura dell’altro, sempre.
Ho scritto tantissimo su Tim, personaggio che ho amato molto nel romanzo di Mallon. Un malato d'amore, una piccola fata laboriosa e devota, capace di osservare, amare, perdonare e meravigliarsi e, allo stesso tempo, ingabbiata in un amore che salva e redime, fatto di venerazione e protezione, amore che provoca sete e sofferenza; quando la felicità non si distingue dall'infelicità ma l'intensità la fa da padrone. Tim è tra i sospesi, verdi e moribondi, vittima di una gioia snervante, di un amore potente che dura una vita intera e che va oltre uno spazio temporale e rifugge ogni etichetta. Un amore che perde la sua carica sensuale e carnale, ma sopravvive a livello mentale e dell'anima. Quando eleggi qualcuno re del tuo cuore e vivi ogni sconvolgimento emotivo: gioia, illusione, proiezione, sogno irrealizzato, desiderio, paura. Chi non è mai stato solo un cirripedi su una barca da sogno? Ma con te, caro Ron, ho amato Hawk: un uomo di solide realtà di sopravvivenza in un mondo che non era pronto ad accoglierlo. È commovente la sua fragilità, la sua voglia costante di affrontare le avversità, esserci e amare nel modo migliore che conosceva. Nascondersi dietro un muro di arroganza ed egoismo per non ammettere a se stesso che coltivava un sogno: non c'era niente di sbagliato in lui e che tutto sarebbe andato bene, sarebbe stato accolto e accettato nella sua interezza.
Hawk sarà sempre, come lo ha rappresentato musicalmente il brillante Paul Leonard–Morgan, un bellissimo brano musicale con intermezzi di note stridenti. Una deliziosa ciambella con un grosso buco. Solo ora capisco i pensieri di Tim; lo stesso giorno incontra gli occhi grigio-blu di Fuller, "sapeva che se avesse vissuto fino a cent'anni, non sarebbe mai stato più innamorato di quanto lo fosse adesso". E oggi amo Hawk "oltre misura". Prendere o lasciare. Ha Ragione Matt, nella sua introduzione quando dice che tu sei il credente spirituale, pieno di speranza e appassionato dell'animo umano come Skippy e il sopravvissuto duro, determinato e iconoclasta incarnato da Hawk. Solo tu, infatti, potevi essere in grado di amare Tim nel racconto di Mallon e di dare voce e vita a Hawk nella serie.
Sei un grande leader in empatia dotato di grande intelligenza emotiva, Ron. Congratulazioni!
- A.Reviewed in Germany on April 25, 2025
5.0 out of 5 stars I love it
Verified PurchaseI’m now half way through this book and I can tell this story is very catchy. The writing style is very different. It’s hard to describe, but the words he uses aren’t what I’m used to from other books - they’re not simple or plain, but rather almost an art form in themselves.
I can now understand why Matt and Jonathan described him as an impressive and artistic writer with a deep attention to detail.
I’m already curious to see where the story goes. Unfortunately, the book isn’t very long :(. I’d love to stay in this world much longer.
The story itself is exactly my taste. I really enjoy gay stories, especially when they’re a little spicy too.
- Bob LindReviewed in the United States on October 28, 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars Honest, riveting and thought provoking memoir
Verified PurchaseIn this autobiographical memoir of his "personal demons" ... primarily substance abuse and tendencies toward self-destruction largely due to a dysfunctional childhood ... screenwriter Ron Nyswaner ("Philadelphia", "Soldier's Girl" and others) concentrates on his largely one-sided relationship with Johann, a rather unique but somewhat mysterious European stud he met at a hustler's bar.
Johann fulfills much more than a sexual need for Ron. The sex provides an excuse to do drugs to "get in the mood," and both fulfill Ron's emotional need to lose control and be dominated by outside forces, a throwback to his childhood. While Johann originally scoffed at Ron's drug use, he eventually was drawn into the escapist world the author wanted for both of them, with fatal results.
The book deals honestly with the author's addictions and compulsions, including the best analysis of the immediate and after-effects of crystal meth I have ever seen in print. The reader can easily see that the author's behavior and mindset changes dramatically when with the hustler, even before drugs are consumed, as compared to his business trips to Los Angeles or New York City, at home at his country retreat in Woodstock NY, or on his increasingly-frequent pilgrimages back to Pennsylvania to care for his parents in their rapidly failing health. We get the sense that the author both looks forward to and dreads his drug-hazed "vacations" with Johann, and deludes himself into not really thinking about what he gets out of these encounters, whether it is the drugs, Johann's (often platonic) company, or why they both seem to be a necessity in this stage of his life. Further disappointments in his life lead to self-mutilation and a botched suicide attempt, as the book depicts how difficult a journey it was ... and continues to be while he is in recovery today.
- turtlexReviewed in the United States on October 25, 2004
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent First Person Narrative
Verified Purchase.
"Blue Days, Black Nights: A Memoir" is Ron Nyswaner first published book. And an excellent one, at that.
His name may sound familiar as he is the Academy Award nominated screenwriter of the film "Philadelphia". This is not, however, a star filled, tell-all Hollywood tale. Quite to the contrary. This is a human story, told with brutal honesty.
Following the critical and commercial success of "Philadelphia", Mr. Nyswaner went through a personal time of turmoil and pain.
This excellent autobiography tells that story; an inner story of pain and guilt, as much as an autobiography about living in a time when not all the answers are as cut and dry as we might like. Where children become parents to their parents, where love has a price tag, where feeling good can be purchased, but being happy and content cannot.
Written with clear language and daring insight, this book was a real page-turner for me.
The story begins with an ending, and it's not giving away anything to say that this is a brilliant way to begin this journey with Mr. Nyswaner.
And it is a journey, of the heart and soul, into addiction, of both the mind and body. The fact that Mr. Nyswaner came out on the other side of such a traumatic time in his life and has been able to write about it, speaks volumes about human spirit, about coping and loving.
This autobiography covers so many topics, but does not feel preachy or forced.
It is a genuine look into a world most of us will never visit.
It's an excellent read, and highly recommended.